It was through the oddest circumstances that I met two of the Witchiest people in my whole entire life. The first is my dear friend, Goddess Sister, and personal ass-kicker, Tammy. I was on the board of directors for a festival and she showed up at one, count’em, one board meeting and told everyone what to do and then left and never came back. I inquired around as to who WAS that bossy broad? and then we got on with business and that was that. I saw her again at the festival. She was coming into the booth of my favorite Ayurvedic booth as I was leaving it and for reasons I still cannot explain because it makes NO sense at all, I opened my arms to her and said, “I am so glad to see you” and we hugged and we have been besties ever since. I mean seriously, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??
The other one is my dear friend, Goddess Sister, and personal ass-kicker, Lee Ann. I met Lee Ann when I ordered some specialty items from her. I have never seen her in real life, but another of the truly Witchiest people in my life and another bestie best, Karen, I have been friends with longer than anyone else in the whole world and I have never seen her in real life either, so that’s nothing unusual for me. Anyway, like with Tammy, Lee Ann and I hit hard and fast and that’s kind of the way it is with Goddess Sisters. You just know.
Both Lee Ann and Tammy specifically have been instrumental in my ability to somewhat navigate this complete bitch of a year. They are the kind of friends who want to hurt people who hurt you, but also are not afraid to draw you up by the short hairs, call bullshit, and get you to face what you have to do and in all the time we have been friends, neither of them has ever steered me wrong for a moment, so when they talk, I listen.
Around the end of April, Lee Ann issued a mandate. She said, (I’m paraphrasing here) “You’re too blah. You need to work with fire energy.” I am mostly a water and earth energy kind of girl (which, you will notice, are the key components of mud), so I wasn’t sure that was a great idea, but like I said, when Lee Ann talks, I listen. Tammy signed onto the fire energy idea as well, so starting April 28, I began using a lot of phoenix imagery in my world, wearing a good bit of red, burning even more candles, etc.
I did a lot of work with the Fire Goddess artwork that Lee Ann sells in her shop and I did feel my energy levels go up.
A month or so ago, I told Lee Ann I was having a sudden onset of extreme fatigue. I did not put together until a few days after I talked with her that I was in a severe Kava Kava haze from the natural antidepressants I was taking. She suggested I stop working with the fire energy and spend some time with water energy; just drifting down the river all relaxed. It sounded wonderful, so I switched to water imagery. After a week or so off of the Kava Kava, my energy level returned and I felt much better. I continued to work with the water energy, but noticed that I kept playing two videos over and over. I did not connect the two or even equate them to my energy shift until today.
And yeah, it’s fairly obvious. I made the connection when my daughter posted this animated gif. I related to it on a very visceral level. At first it gave me a laugh, like the “Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions” video. Then I realized that it is very representative of my life these days. I am always waddling off from one explosion or another anymore. To me, it is dangerously close to becoming the new normal that things just blow up all around me.
Then the whole state caught on fire, the closest to us being the King Fire which is around eight miles away and only 10% contained after spending the past week burning away at over 80,000 acres.
My life did not use to be this way and I certainly do not intend for it to stay this way. I had several years of relative peace with only a few brushes at drama and I flourished during that time. Just because things are difficult now and have been difficult for months does not mean I am being punished or that I am cursed. It just means that it was my turn.
I have always said that without adversity, we do not grow. Pain motivates us and causes us to make changes. When I look at the past year of kids in trouble, pets dying (two cats who were long-time friends, three chickens, and my dog apparently got hit by a car or something while she was out being an idiot and she’s not doing well today), books sales taking a dive despite having more books in print than when they were doing exceptionally well, money issues, tensions with Eric, pressure brought to bear from relatives, kids switching schools and adapting to new procedures, a new eating plan that is very restrictive compared to how I have always eaten, exercising a minimum of three times a week, car issues… it just makes me want to hide all over again. There will come a time when everything going wrong all at once is funny, but today is not the day.
I work to take it lightly because if I make eye contact with it, I likely will not be able to stand up anymore. I know this sort of challenging time is grist for the mill and makes us stronger and more refined in many ways. For now, I work to dance between the raindrops and find the good things where I can place my focus.
- It rained last night and a bit today.
- Eric has been kind, understanding, and thoughtful.
- Eric rented a Rug Doctor and completely scrubbed the upstairs carpet and stairs yesterday. I hate carpets passionately and believe they hang onto bad energy like velcro. He got them all cleaned out and I deeply appreciate that.
- I have alone time now sometimes where I have had none for several months.
- I get to go back to writing fiction next week if not this coming week. The next book in the Seven Sisters of Avalon series is in the works, Aster of Avalon and I look forward to getting back into that. I have marketing things to do first,
- Eric is exploring a new venture that makes him happy.
- I don’t have to go to town again until Wednesday. It seems like all I do lately is drive up and down this damned mountain.
- A dear friend dropped by for a visit yesterday, which was lovely.
- I am sleeping better most of the time.
- A new all-star audio version of Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book comes out the end of the month and promises to be wonderful. It is one of my all time favorite books.
- Fall has arrived and right on time, the weather shifted, which is lovely.
- I got some lovely reviews on the books this month, plus a couple of crappy ones, but that is to be expected.
- I remade this website and I am deciding whether or not I like it, but in the meantime, I don’t hate it.
That is all I have for now. I welcome the weather for hot cocoa (even though my eating plan doesn’t allow it) and Harvest decorations (coming soon!). This year, I truly welcome the descent into the darkness because it feels like I have been there all year anyway. Maybe that is why I crave the fire so much.
Mah biscuits is burning!
(No, my eating plan does not allow biscuits either)