Where does your energy go? Often, I hear even advanced magical practitioners talking about physical, mental, emotional, social, sexual, and magical energy as though these are unconnected. Some even equate success as a Pagan leader with working well beyond healthy exhaustion of limits on those energy reserves. Anyone truly worth their Himalayan Sea Salt knows a deficit in any of these levels compromises them all and if you physically and mentally exhaust yourself, your magical energy suffers greatly.
If you feel depleted on an ongoing basis, your spirit, body, and mind are giving letting you know the resources are in DEFCON 4.
We all hit that point eventually, but living there on an ongoing basis is an abuse of the magnificently effective energy system given to us by our Creator(s). When your body, your mind, or your spirit speak, pay attention. They are on a party line and the other two hear and endorse what one of them says to you. Working to exhaustion serves no one. Self-care and rejuvenation ultimately help us all.
I have had the pleasure of experiencing spirituality with people of many paths of faith and I can say with some authority that “Whenever two or more of you are gathered in [their] name[s]” we inevitably encounter the manifestation of a merciless energy zapper: drama. Whether it is “Witch Wars” where groups turn on one another, heated social networking arguments, or just ongoing interpersonal conflict, there is little that is more exhausting. Sure, there are those who thrive on the discord and the rush that these social interactions involve, but really, do we want to be that person?
We do not always have the luxury to completely eschew those who draw us into their maelstrom of madness. Likewise, circumstances sometimes force us to humor those who take all we offer and more then give little or nothing in return. What we can do is establish non-negotiable boundaries and honor those.
Many of the clients I see in my practice ask the question, “How do I change the dynamic? How do I clean up my life and take back my power?” Some want actual systematic instructions. Others simply want permission from an objective party to take control of their own life, even if (especially if) the change inconveniences others.
Be ruthless about eliminating drama in your life. Identify the people in your life who lift you up and make you smile and those who drain your energy away. Distance yourself from the energy black holes and vampires who bleed out your energy reserves.
The true measure of a person is how you feel when you walk away from being with them. Do you feel energized, happy, and supported? Drained, exhausted, and used? Begin by drastically reducing contact with those who do not help you feel amazing.
In counseling, I often use the phrase, “Re-establish the dancing distance.” You do not have to make a major production of “breaking up” with people who are energy drains. You do not have to lie or breech ethics. Simply stop being available. If you must see them, wait until you have an energy surplus and can handle the drain. Notice when someone attempts to manipulate you through guilt and immediately disengage. This takes your endorsement off the behavior. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to be the best “you” you can be. This means protecting your energy expenditures.
At first, others may bemoan your lack of availability and even increase the drama to attempt to draw you in. When they do not get the reaction they seek, they will move on to others who accommodate their need for attention. It is unlikely you will lose the relationship. People hate to burn bridges, despite threats. You will, however, maintain the integrity of knowing that you are careful about where you energy goes. Some Native American tribes call this, “Taking back your power eggs.”
How many times have you repeated the exact same argument with a friend and never had it go anywhere productive? Do people contact you to vent about how horrible their life is with no intention of doing anything about it? Do they want solutions or to be comforted as an eternal victim? Do you say “yes” when you really want to say no? How much of your ego gets tied up in being indispensable to others? Do you ever feel used by those you “help?” These are all examples of wasted energy.
Distancing yourself from people who sap your energy does not mean you do not love them. It means you love YOU enough to avoid an unbalanced relationship that leaves you feeling depleted and opens the door for resentment to contaminate the dynamic.
When you find yourself starting to sigh a lot in conversations or wish you were somewhere else, stop and excuse yourself. You do not have to be rude or dismissive. Simply say, “You know, I just realized something I need to do and I am going to have to cut this short.” If they protest or even beg for your attention, kindly but firmly tell them that you need some time and then take that time. If they do not give it to you, then it is clear they are not responsive to your needs. This is even more telling of the health of your relationship dynamic.
Only you can stop the extraneous energy flow that goes to these black holes. The person on the receiving end of your energy flow will work hard to preserve the status quo because it is of benefit to them. You are the one who has to change the dynamic and “take back your power eggs.” Reel in the energy that is scattered in nonproductive directions and that energy will be available to you for increased magical connection and flow.
Wasted energy deprives us of a solid connection to the Divine and to abundant magical flow. Our magic suffers when we are exhausted on any of those three sacred levels: mind, spirit, body.
Careful and judicious management of your energy is a big part of Energy Magic. We must keep inventory of where our energy goes. The fact that you are reading these words means that it is time for this message to come to you. Plug up the leaks and take back your power eggs without apology or remorse. Bring that energy level back down into the green.