Despite bad dentition, a disreputable past, a history of poor choices, a true rebirth, and significant emotional pain since childhood, Jack Sparrow – sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow – swaggers on. He wears a title he conveyed upon himself and he bravely stares life down as an unlikely hero. He talks to himself, as well as people others cannot see. He puts great value in a jar of dirt and his best friend is a Goddess named “Calypso.” He will fight to the death for someone in one moment, but let them go in the next if they ask for their freedom. He accepts the slings and arrows that come his way because he knows on some level, they are deserved. If he is persecuted for a crime he did not commit, he knows that there were plenty for which he did not get caught, so the teeth Karma brings to him have something hefty to bite. He casts a long shadow and hopes that no one ever finds out that his greatness is nothing more than illusion. He spends his life trying to live up to a legend, while secretly knowing that not only is he is the most fallible and vulnerable person on the planet, but that even the legend itself isn’t really all that.
Yep, that’s me.
Among other things, my first husband, who was also my second husband, divorced me because “I cannot respect you when you talk to things that are not there.” He, of course, ultimately would not talk to the person who WAS there, who was me. As long as I can remember, I have talked to things that were not conventionally there. Aside from my long and frequent discourses with stuff on the other side of the veil, there is the fact that the vast majority of my social life occurs with people who are technically “not there” and only exist inside of a black box that sits on my desk. When I push a button, they go away, even though their words live on in my heart and play through my brain long after the power stops flowing to the circuitry that brings them to me.
I would not have any presence at all if not for the internet. I worked for many years as a journalist for ABC Daytime and when that stopped, I became a published author because of the internet. I met some of my best friends on the internet. Four of my six children have their primary relationships because of the internet. Some of the most heartfelt conversations my husband and I have ever had were through emails. There is something about having the time to compose your thoughts and rewrite and say what you want to say that trumps the lack of inflection in the spoken word. These were challenges we had when we simply wrote letters with pen and ink and now that email is available, we communicate more by the written word than ever before. In fact, we communicate more in general than we ever did before. I can honestly say that I am more aware now of what my friends and family eat than I ever was before, say, the year 2000.
I have met people I would never get to meet thanks to the internet. I have forged much closer relationships with family members who are far away (Hi Angie!) and have reconnected with friends who were long out of my life. I can truly say that despite some disappointments, it has been a joy for me.
Life is crazy for me these days. I feel like one of those old plate spinners on the Sullivan show, trying to keep it all in the air at once. If you hear a resounding crash, that’s likely me. Now I am running through the raindrops, looking for the quiet place to stand. I hope all of you are finding your joy and loving your life around the challenges. ~~Hugs & Love~~