Katrina Rasbold

Author, Bruja, Teacher

Menu
  • Home
  • Books By Katrina
    • Fiction by Katrina
    • Non-Fiction by Katrina
    • Bio-Universal Energy Books
    • GHFC Weekend Books
  • Katrina’s Store
  • Services by Katrina
  • About Katrina
  • Interviews With Katrina
  • Connect with Katrina
    • Email
    • Youtube
    • Instagram
    • Facebook
    • Classes
Menu
wolf

Women Who Run With the Wolves…Then Get Eaten By Them

Posted on July 7, 2016July 7, 2016 by Katrina Rasbold

As is easy to see, I have not updated here for a long time. There are the “on top” reasons and there are the “underneath” reasons, just as there is with anything. The main on top reason is that a nonprofit organization with which I am involved hosted a major fund-raising festival in June and for a few months before that, not only did I have a ton to do for the festival itself, but I had to create an inventory surplus for my shop, Botánica de La Reina, because we were vendors at the festival. Since I last wrote here, two apprentices blessed me with their time, Hunter and Dena. Dena was ill for the month before festival, but Hunter worked long, strenuous hours helping me get ready, then after the festival was over, Dena helped me rebuild the shop – we had to strip it out for festival – and has been in the shop with me working since then. My shop is only open on weekends, but we spend the other five days making product. I think few people realize the demands of running a shop where you make the majority of the inventory yourself. I sure didn’t get it before I actually did it. For weeks, I did little but make incenses, potions, spell kits, candles, and other products.

In the midst of all of this, around the first part of May, Eric, my husband, went back to work after a fifteen-month break. The fifteen months were wonderful because he was home all of the time and got to spend quality time with our sons, who are sixteen and (now) nineteen. It was really good for their relationship with their dad. He and I got used to being around one another pretty much 24/7.

The time off without his salary was challenging financially, as you can imagine. Losing a primary income can definitely show you where the rubber meets the road. So there were blessings and there were struggles, but we made it through and for that, I am truly grateful.

He is now the electrical contractor and license holder for a new solar company in the Sacramento area called Sunfinity. It is growing quickly and performing well, so it is quite a blessing to us. He works more than full time and is suddenly gone most of his waking hours. He also comes into the shop with me on Sundays so that we are not apart all of the time. It was an abrupt change for all of us and we are still adapting. They are also hiring installers, electricians, and salespeople, so if anyone is local to Sacramento and needs a good job, private message me and I will give you the details.

Less than two months before Eric stopped working at the Veteran’s Building in February of 2015, Nathan started homeschooling and Dylan graduated high school and began online college classes. I went from having quiet days alone, the status quo for years, to having everyone home all the time. That also was quite an adjustment. Now, it is only the boys here with me during the day. Alone time never happens unless I make a point to leave the house. I eventually got used to that as well.

Since Eric returned to work, there has been a flurry of catch up, of getting bills current, of purchasing necessities like tires for the cars, a new bed for Nathan, ingredients for the inventory I made for the festival, and such. This week was the first in months without a lot of extraneous stuff for me to do and where I could, theoretically, focus on my writing. Here it is Thursday and I have taken care of busy work. I updated this website structurally and revamped the page for Tarot consults. I watched a full season of “The Tudors.” I did the usual housework. I did consults for clients. I started a purge of sugars, flours/gluten/anything processed from my diet. I wrote an article for my iPinion column. I did everything except work on my books.

In fact, I have written on my books, two of which are due by the end of the year, only a handful of hours this year. I am still looking to see what I am running from there since I love to write and it fills my spirit in a profound way. I keep making excuses and finding other things to do.

Eric asked me how I felt recently and the most accurate description I could give him is that I feel like I never stop running from a pack of wolves. I am tired to the point of collapse, but I do not sleep nights unless I am medicated. The things that used to bring me joy like writing or my shop leave me feeling empty and numb. I cannot seem to work up the positive emotions that used to be so much a part of my life and my personality. All things good feel drained away from me.

Exploration of the spirit, of emotions, and of the psyche in general are not foreign to me. I help people do it all the time and I am good at it. I have used all of my standard procedures and cannot seem to pinpoint anything in particular that is dissatisfying or out of sort. It is not simply reaction to change. I got over that a long time ago, which is quite a feat for a Virgo. The very air around me feels off. I have done the walk back I recommend to clients, where I go back to the last time things felt right and then move slowly forward, looking for the ways everything seemed to go off course. I have found nothing significant or notable. I have done this through meditation, so I could be assured that I was going in deeply and not just on the surface level.

My inclination is toward seclusion, because I feel edgy and irritable and I worry that I will cause others to feel uncomfortable when I do not intend to. Everything around me feels tenuous and fragile, as though the whole thing could just break into a thousand pieces at any given moment and this way of being in the world is not characteristic for me. In fact, it is pretty much opposite of me.

I know I will bounce back and find “me” again. I will stop feeling as though my skin is in constant fight-or-flight and my spirit is looking anxiously over its shoulder every few minutes. I will find my way and I will find my sovereignty again. Apparently, I will not do that today.

For now, I feel like I want to stop running, lie down, and let the wolves eat me. I fantasize about being the woman who one day, just stops what she is doing, walks out to the car with nothing more than her purse, and just starts driving. Fantasies rarely work in reality, but this one is a favorite.

Hour by hour, moment by moment, I know I am walking surely toward my peace of mind again. Even when I do not feel well and whole, I know I am on a journey to that wellness and wholeness. I also know that the journey is as much a part of life as the destination, so even in this sense of unease, I intend to live to the fullest and sift out the joys.

I just hope the wolves find me to be sweet.

Did you like this? Share it:
Tweet

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Local to Shingle Springs, CA? Book An Appointment W/Katrina

Book an Appointment

Not Local? Order Her Services Online

Order Online Services

“What’s Up, Witches?!” – Weekly Broadcast

CROSSROADS OF CONJURE!


Released Jan 2019
Purchase at:
Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Llewellyn Worldwide

Post Categories

  • Astrology (3)
  • Book Releases (7)
  • Craft/Pagan Basics (22)
  • CUSP (15)
  • Fun Ideas (7)
  • Magical Group Administration (1)
  • Pagan Commentary (27)
  • Pagan History (4)
  • Pagan Poetry (7)
  • Personal Blog (104)
  • Rituals (14)
  • Sabbats (15)
  • Songs and Chants (7)
  • Spell Work (18)
  • Upcoming Events (2)
  • Videos (3)
  • Weather Witching (2)
  • Working With the Elements (4)

Instagram

katrinarasbold

Instagram post 2183760144660024038_1512659728 New items at Crossroads!
Instagram post 2183758740566509963_1512659728 New items at Crossroads!
Instagram post 2122126937695445049_1512659728 Coming June 2020 from Llewellyn Worldwide.
Instagram post 2120264635857538147_1512659728 Finishing up the last breaths of an odd and emotionally brutal 2 days off work and I feel like I came out on the other side mostly ok. I consulted the Everyday Witch Oracle for my takeaway message and got this.
Instagram post 2060786366347575602_1512659728 Back stage with Steve Landes from Rain. SQUEEEEE.
Instagram post 2060651671265886281_1512659728 Taking a much needed night out with the husband before the madness of PanGaia Festival hits full force.
Instagram post 2025971502550910255_1512659728 Choices were made here.
Instagram post 2025572900955645947_1512659728 I AM TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION, CAT
Instagram post 2024300843798121050_1512659728 This FREE class and more coming up at Crossroads metaphysical store in Shingle Springs. Go to www.crossroadsoccult.com for more info. Our event calender is packed and more is coming.
Instagram post 2018409907381723739_1512659728 He really doesn't want to go outside. He just likes to observe.
Instagram post 2009304413580902544_1512659728 Image for post 2009304413580902544_1512659728
Instagram post 2009304145539658134_1512659728 Image for post 2009304145539658134_1512659728
Instagram post 2009303980233776921_1512659728 My view
Instagram post 2008978600247673159_1512659728 Heading out for another long, fantastic day of set up in preparation for the grand opening of Crossroads Metaphysical Store in Shingle Springs, CA. Friday, Saturday,  and Sunday. 12-8
Instagram post 1963622852609193537_1512659728 Elvis and his pillow
Instagram post 1963621843157888913_1512659728 New angle.
Instagram post 1963620087019436249_1512659728 How it goes when my grandson comes over on Wednesday nights.
Instagram post 1925299522630548020_1512659728 New Witch's Cabinets at LightWeavers in Citrus Heights, CA
Instagram post 1869835928057296654_1512659728 At Sac Pagan Pride
Instagram post 1869835174282116541_1512659728 #pangaiafestival #sacwitchesball
Load More... Follow on Instagram
© 2019 Katrina Rasbold | Powered by Superbs Personal Blog theme