Do I Look Fat In This?

…or still, as the case might be. I was originally going to “plant” weight loss this year, which means I would have theoretically been harvesting a svelte new body round about now.  I planted health, joy, money and peace instead.  I have all of those things now, but I’m still fat.  I almost typed “regrettably” fat, but I am not sure I do have those regrets.  I have realized, however, that my biggest obstacle to weight loss is that I just don’t much care.  My health is great; better than it has been in absolutely ages.  I feel wonderful, truthfully:  grounded, clear, sleeping well.  I think part of that is from the PremPro reaching therapeutic value, but I think my Harvest kicked in big time.

I just don’t dislike myself or my body enough.  I don’t plan to go searching for that and I don’t need well meanning people trying to tell me why I should feel loathsome for how I look.  I feel happy and gorgeous and fulfilled for no real reason.  I do, however, still want to lose weight and I have taken my first (literal) steps toward that in ages today.

I walked.  It was only for about 40 minutes, but it was up and down some good hill and I took Elvis with me, so it was at a decent pace.  He might be just a little Shitz tzu, but he’s fast and when he’s walking, he likes to move.  I used to walk for just over an hour, but we took a new route today and that’s how long it took us.  I plan to do that every day at 9am or so before I can talk myself out of it.  That way, it’s done for the day.  Who knows?  In a few months, I might be running it (in snow).

I’ve been doing nothing about my weight for months now.  I walked once during the summer and enjoyed it, but then it just didn’t happen again.  I had Eric bring in my treadmill so I could use it inside and there it sits, uncracked since he hauled it in, taking up space in my family room.  I half-assedly say no to some of the things I want to eat and yes to a lot more of them.  I still have not gained any weight, but everything is letting go more and more and although the scale still says the same, my clothes fit differently and I’m scooshier all over.

The reason I want to lose weight is pretty simple and fairly selfish.  It’s not about anyone else.  I just want to have better sex.  The weight is limiting for me in that respect on many levels and I’m almost 50, so the hormones are batshit all the time and I want to get laid while the gettin’s good.  The increased strength from working out and having less bulk to fling around will definitely be a bonus.

That’s it.  It will also be fun to see people’s reaction in Summer when the community kicks into high gear again and I’m seen a good bit.  I won’t be out and about much in the Winter, likely until May or so, and that gives me a good hunk of time to work on myself.  Making people say, “Dayum!” is a good motivation.  

So here I go again, taking you with me and continuing the process.  I don’t see it as going on a diet or off a diet, but just a long road with occasional detours.

That’s the Katrina Rasbold Report.