Still Here!
Hello Everyone! I am pleased to report that while I have had no positive weight reduction in the past couple of weeks, I have also had no weight gain, so I am at a pause in activity. This is because of my birthday, (48!!) which was on September 5th. For that weekend, I let myself eat whatever I wanted and I could feel that I ate well beyond being full just because I was choosing really decadently delicious foods.
So here we are at the 17th, almost 2 weeks past that, and I am coming it at around 1300 calories a day. This tells me that 1200-1300 calories is going to be my maintenance level for the foreseeable future and that 1000 or so is when I start losing weight effectively. This is also without any respectable exercise going on. I expect I could eat 1200-1300 and lose weight if I exercised several days a week. I am still trying to find my stride with the work schedule and once I get into a good flow with that, I’ll start delving into the exercise again.
Meanwhile, I am maintaining and easing my calories back down into the 1000 per day rage again to start the weight loss. What’s great about that is that by fully reducing calories for a month (as I did before) and then going to mainenance for 2 weeks, it keeps my metabolism guessing instead of falling into one particular level and getting comfortable there.
I do wish I could be like Carolyn and jet off to the gym (it’s a 45 minute drive one way from here to a gym if I even could afford one right now) and burn 7000 calories a day with spin class and free weights, but unfortunately, geography, finances and work schedules just do not allow for it. I did so much better when we lived on the military base and had total access to the (wonderfully furnished) gym there. That was long ago and far away. There is something so deliberate and reliable about actually going to the gym versus getting up and walking across the room and putting in a DVD or getting on the equipment here. At the gym, you know you won’t be interrupted and can totally focus. Plus, you’re there for one reason and that makes it easier for me to get into what I’m doing. I miss racquetball with Eric, the Nautilus machines and the state of the art treadmills.
As it stands now, the majority of my waking hours are spent leashed to the phone waiting for clients to phone. I sign off just before the kids get home from school, then it’s time to monitor homework, hear about their days, start dinner, do other mom things and then get them settled for the evening before signing back onto work again until 11pm or midnight or so. Mornings are spent getting kids ready and on the bus, then I either nap for a couple of hours or sign right onto work again if I am not completely blasted tired. Weekends involve running errands or taking calls up in my bedroom where Eric ran another phone line.
As our finances get worked out, I will be working fewer hours (only 30 a week are required of me by the company) and I will be able to have greater flexibility. My first step will be to cut into an hour of either work or sleeping (Both necessary at this moment in time) and use that for exercising.
Even though I had ambitiously anticipated greater progress by this time, I am thrilled with the 35 pounds that I am currently down from when I started this journey in the spring. I initially lost 30, then fell off the wagon and gained back a good bit, then lost 12 pounds within the past 6 weeks. As long as the overall trend is toward loss and not gain, I’m happy. That means I will get there eventually.
One thing I have noticed with the super reduced calories is that I really depend on protein for my grounding. In a day where the protein is a little more absent, I can really feel the difference in my system. Same with fresh green veggies. We were out for a few days and I tried to substitute what I had, which was canned green beans and it was worthless. I only go to town for groceries once a week and it is a challenge to keep them fresh for that long, then if time or finances stretch it out even further, there can definitely be a draught. I tried the green bags and was not impressed at all.
The up side of this is that I love feeling in tune with my body and being able to interpret what it needs. Those messages are so much more clear when I’m not eating chips, candy, cookies and such. Something about the “bad” foods seems to jam my spirit-mind-body messages.
My family has never once complained about the lack of junk food in the house or the changes that are in our daily meals. I made biscuits (a favorite food of theirs) for the first time in about 6 weeks a couple of nights ago and they were really excited to see them, but didn’t say anything about their long absence. We have potatoes around 1-2 times a week now instead of almost every meal. I only buy ice cream once a month instead of always having a supply on hand. I used to always have a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies on the back of the stove and that is also now down to around once a month. They have been so patient with me and supportive and loving about what I am doing. The other day, Nathan came in and gave me a hug and gasped, “MOM! I can reach all the way around you now and hold my own hand!” :)
Even Eric, the hard sell, has had some wonderful things to say as well, which is very nice. He often tells me how proud he is of me, but a few days ago, we were outside and he gave me a hug and said, “HONEY! I can really feel a difference! You look… top heavy!” That’s a compliment from him. I have never been married to men to tell me I’m pretty or beautiful or cute. The best I get is, “That looks nice on you” or sometimes, Eric will tell me that I look “cuddly.” I have yet to completely discern exactly what that means, but I’ll take it.
It’s just not their way or I don’t inspire that in men or something. We all have our blessings in life, but that particular one has never been one of mine. Fortunately, my ego is far too inflated to be affected much by it.
I watched the season premier of “The Biggest Loser” this week with Delena and we were both a little taken aback by what assholes Jillian and Bob are now. I’m not sure if the show is taking a turn in atmosphere or if they have become more embittered as the years have gone on or if it’s because they have much larger people on the show now as contestants than they used to, but the whole tone seems a lot more negative than it used to. I will still watch because I find it incredibly inspirational to see what the human body is capable of doing with such extreme focus and because I am genuinely happy to see the successes of the contestants and to know that there are people out there in the world who are really working aggressively to change their lives in a positive way. It gives me tremendous hope for our flailing critical mass that seems so determined to fall over into complete depravity.
One of the greatest helping hands I’ve given to the process of weight loss is to cut away from my life the activities that made me feel resentful, used and unhappy. I am fortunate to be in a position to do that and doing a full scale clean on the influences and activities in my immediate life has been an amazingly clarifying experience. I feel cleaner and happier and more in touch with my own empowerment and with Spirit.
I am going to, by request, be posting a sample menu or two of what I eat in a day since several people have asked. When I first started eating this way, it was difficult for 2-3 days, but then my body adapted to what I was giving it and is satisfied with the smaller amounts. It will be listed in the section to the right just under the “about katrina” link.
Thanks for being here and take care.